As soon as people see my partner, I’m often asked a series of questions that somehow round off to how I managed to bag such a guy. Having a partner that is the total opposite of me (according to outsiders) has been a huge challenge even though we are so similar in eachother’s eyes.
I’ve had to answer uncomfortable questions that suggest that i don’t deserve him.
I’m always baffled by the misconception that someone that is big/fat/chubby/plus size or whatever you prefer, is not deserving of a good man simply because she is a good woman. There is an idea out there that makes it very odd for a big woman to be loved on any other season besides winter. I’m often amused by the reactions i get when I tell people that I’ve been with him for three winters and have survived the rest of the seasons too hahaha.
Being with a man that loves going to gym, while I’d rather stay at home and watch a movie munching away on some treats, has challenged me a lot, yoh! I realised that as much as I felt I needed to be accepted by him, I noticed how I also wasn’t accepting of him and his lifestyle of living the healthy life. I honestly thought that him being all ripped meant I also needed to be ripped.
So here i am a few years ago, going for my first run (more like power walking hahaha) along the beach trying to be segzy whilst being encouraged by the usual fellow runners (i assume they know eachother) and busy contemplating if i should call an ambulance or not, because I was pretty sure that I was having a heart attack there and then within the first few minutes of my run hehehe. I pushed myself so hard those few months and no lie the results were amazing. A sister had toned legs and an ass nyana there, but i felt like shit. My body was constantly in pain and not the good pain that makes you feel satisfied with your work out. It was the pain i felt from thinking he would love me less if i didn’t look like the girls at his gym. It was the pain of thinking i didn’t deserve to be happy with him because people thought so. Let me tell you guys right now that the guy I’m with is so amazing. He flat out told me something i already knew but was just too afraid to accept I guess. He told me that whether I was tiny or big, his love for me would never be altered by my dress size. He made it clear that he’d prefer I stay the size I’m comfortable with and mostly happy with. It didn’t help though that he kept feeding me. I was almost certain he has some sort of fetish hahaha.
One of the biggest challenges I’ve had to work through in my relationship was just keeping it real. For once i didn’t have to pretend to be anything I wasn’t. He took my insecurities and made them his. I know it seems as though I’m a sucker for having my problems solved by someone else or I’m constantly searching for someone to fix me, but in all true honesty i just needed someone to see me. See the real me. I needed someone to acknowledge that I’m not a fetish, nor am i a blanket for those cold winter nights. I’m just a woman with fat thighs, flabby arms and a pot belly but i definitely give good loving and I’m open to receiving it too!
Submitted by Okuhle “Kush” Mvango